By Matthew Rahn
It’s a common question here at OIL. Is it in the opinion of the chair that (insert your comment here)? This is simply a parliamentarian tool used to express one’s view without actually taking responsibility for it. Frankly, it’s a passive aggressive way to address the body and forces the chair to either agree or disagree. The chair, unable to stay objective on any opinion, must inadvertently take side while he or she should not have to.
However, I am here to discuss the rights and liberties of the actual chair. That’s right, the leather upholstered, rolly chair that endures the weight of every legislature ever to hold the gavel. Day in, day out, the chair stands strong, holding its own in light of adversity and change. I would like to make a three point case as to why we need to RESPECT THE CHAIR.
First is the pure weight the chair must bare. Hundreds, if not thousands of buttocks have strained the chair, and not all have been kind. As we all know, Oklahoma faces a serious obesity issue, consistently ranking near the top five in state polls for the most obese. There is no exception for those that have laid there back sides on the chair. Many government officials sit, as there tremendous pressure bares down, straining the very fabric and wood of the chair.
Secondly, the chair must endure the stench of government. Flatulence is no laughing matter here, for the chair has taken in the gaseous result of hundreds of rushed lunch time McDonalds runs. Unfortunately, the chair’s supple leather muffles most cases of chamber gas, therefore encouraging the constant release of deadly chemicals. The chair must witness the dirty side of politics; the side that the public is simply not aware of.
Finally, and perhaps most disturbing, is the chairs exposure or, more appropriately, the lack there of. It’s beautiful leather, stunning contours, and sleek design are always draped and drowned by the horrendous view of smug politicians. Never is the true glory of the chair revealed, and never is it’s true potential released. What must this do to the self esteem of the chair? How must it feel to be shaded day after day by such crass individuals that claim to promote justice and freedom?
The chair must be heard. For over a century now, the chair has been silenced, shunned, and shamed into believing it is unworthy of making an impact in this government. The way politics are going these days, I am more comfortable with the leadership of a chair than any politician who claims he can help the people. The chair has been there for it all; it has seen every conflict and victory this state has ever seen. I have no doubt that the chair is more qualified than any speaker of any House or president of any Senate. Let the chair speak. Let the chair be free.