Journalist: Ean Cloud (ORU)
Josiah Belyeu is an O.I.L senator representing ORU, with positions as the Judiciary Chair, Rules Vice Chair, and Parliamentarian, with 4 stars is a distinguished regular at O.I.L, to say the least. Today, he has presented and passed a bill which would have changed the way that O.I.L. worked forever. The “House Replacement & Upgraded Lower Legislative Body Act”, quite simply, abolishes the O.I.L. House of Representatives in full, and replaced the governing body with a single ChatGPT account, for the sake of “efficiency” to use the words of the bill’s author.
“Inefficiency is a word that popped up many times during my conversation with him. When I asked why he believed that the House was insufficient, he corrected me to “inefficient” and carried on about grammatical errors, contradicting amendments, the whole nine yards. During the bill’s trip through debate to eventually be passed, 25-4, it went through several amendments that led to some…interesting results.
After the House of Representatives has vacated its side of the building, the chairs would be removed and in its place would be a ballroom for the gala, complete with a jazz bar with live music. ChatGPT would sing “Oklahoma” in the voice of the “47th president of the United States” (aka Donald Trump) every time a bill is passed. Still, there were some concern about this perfectly rational bill. I myself was slightly concerned about extremist tendencies against the House, so I decided to pry a little.
“Absolutely yes.” Belyeu responded when asked if he believed the House was completely irrational. Concern if ChatGPT would eventually take over was met with somewhat fatalist logic that ChatGPT would take over anyway and it was a good idea to be on its good side. Despite all this Belyeu insisted that worries about ChatGPT taking over via algorithm, citing the AI would be fed the opinions of the senate and therefore be incorruptible. But the most…eccentric of the amendments was one concerning Senator Hayes. Hayes is a 12 star O.I.L. veteran who was, according to Belyeu, the most senior and respected member of the senate.
Hayes also came out of retirement to feature at O.I.L. this session, so Belyeu came to the only logical conclusion. Hayes would be the bartender for the new jazz bar to be made out of the House’s vacancy. Belyeu reasoned that Hayes has the most experience in O.I.L, and thus would be perfect for his now perpetual career in indentured servitude. In fact, it would be disrespectful to do otherwise. As of right now, I wish Hayes all the luck in the world.
Glorious Game on bill.