By Journalist Gabriela Dimova (ORU)
Today in the Legislation, Representative Baughman (SE) presented his bill on banning Christmas and its festivities for all. In true Grinch fashion, the bill swept the house mood to a somber one. His bill consisted of a Christmas elimination.
Representative Baughman, also referred to as the Grinch by the body, said, “Santa isn’t real, and Christmas spirit needs to be annihilated,” much to the detriment of his bill. The time for questions started with a whipping sound of placards as delegates wanted to spread Christmas cheer. The most cheerful of the questions came when Representative Lokey stated for the body, “Are you aware of the statistics out that the American people overwhelmingly love Christmas over any other accepted holiday?’’ To which Representative Grinch said “No,” Followed by a collective gasp of terror of the body. With the Hawk committee out of the room, Representative Grinch took the opportunity to spew anti-Christmas jargon. Many representatives found that the holly jolly spirit, protected by the Oklahoma Legislature, was at risk of being crushed by one man’s mission.
Representative Grinch said, “I decided to give children coal instead because life is hard.”
In agreement, Representative Vasquez said, “I hate Christmas. People need to be sad.”
The body continued to talk with other Representatives of the penalties presented by Representative Grinch.
Representative Grinch said, “Any person found to be in violation with this act shall be subject to 10 hours of imprisonment.” The legislative piece speaks on how watching other individuals open presents while they are forced to repeatedly pull a lump of coal out of a stocking. In addition, it also writes listening to young children play christmas carols via recorders as loudly as they can. All are subject to be executed on the spot. In result, the house decided to motion the bill to previous question it, as it was the last piece of the night.